Heritage and Hallyu | Growing Up With Korean Parents feat. Tammi

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Hello, and welcome to Culture in Between,

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a podcast all about exploring the unique experiences of people

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who grew up in a culture outside of their parents' culture.

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We're your hosts, Alyssa and Brianna.

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And today, we have Tammi, who grew up with Korean parents.

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Thank you, Tammi, so much for joining us.

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We're really excited to get to interview you today.

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Thank you for having me.

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I've never been on a podcast, so this is exciting for me.

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Yeah, well, we've never hosted a podcast,

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so it's the first time for all of us.

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Yeah.

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So, Tammi, can you give us a little brief introduction

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to yourself?

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Yeah, so I'm out here in the Seattle area.

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This is where I grew up.

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My parents immigrated here in the early '90s.

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They came when my brother was a baby

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and lived here my whole life.

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But Brianna, in college, out in Baltimore--

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Yes, Tammi and I met.

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We were both studying vocal performance

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at a music conservatory in Baltimore.

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Very, very exciting.

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So, Tammi, can you tell us where exactly in South Korea

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your parents are from?

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Yeah, they're from the south, and a city called Busan,

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which is the biggest city in the south,

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known for seafood and being on the coast.

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I love it there.

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Yeah, I've heard about it a little bit.

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I think there's a movie or something called

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Train to Busan or something.

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Yeah, that's like a zombie.

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Yeah, yeah, we don't talk about it.

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It's really good, though.

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I really like that movie.

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I've heard a lot about it.

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And I've just seen pictures of it.

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Yeah, that's really nice.

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So awesome.

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How often do you get to go over there, or have you been,

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I guess?

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Yeah, I've been a good number of times throughout my life.

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So I was born here.

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And then it's kind of like every few years that I would go.

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And sometimes I would go alone or with my brother.

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I have an older brother, because it's just so expensive

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to go all together, the four of us.

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So yeah, sometimes our parents would just

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send us the two of us, and we'd just go hang out

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with our family for a couple weeks over the summer.

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But more recently, really just coincidentally,

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I've been the past three years in a row, just for family stuff.

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And then this year, my brother got married there.

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He's been living there for the past two and a half years.

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And he met his now wife, my sister-in-law,

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there through some friends.

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And then yeah, he had a sweating there.

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So I've been a good number of times.

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So I don't really know my way around too well.

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But nowadays with technology, maps and stuff, it's pretty easy.

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And then I sometimes ask family to drive me around places

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or take me places.

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Yeah.

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What's the flight like from Seattle?

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How long-- or guess what's-- yeah,

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what do you typically have to do to get there?

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It's pretty long.

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So they're-- at least from Seattle and the West Coast,

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mostly Seattle and LA, there are direct flights out to Korea.

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And it's typically about 10 hours.

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I kind of see it as more of a red-eye work.

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Basically, I just get on and I try to sleep

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as long as possible.

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But that's really hard in economy.

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Yes.

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Yep.

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I swear they're making those seats smaller.

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Seriously.

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I'm like, where do I--

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there's no place for me to put my feet.

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I'm not a small child anymore.

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So it's so uncomfortable.

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And you and me are very average-sized people, I feel like.

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And I just can't imagine because my husband's like 6'2"

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and he's always like, I'm so scrunched.

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I'm like 5'5" very average height.

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And I feel scrunched.

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I don't imagine how very tall people--

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Exactly.

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Yeah, I'm 5'4".

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So I'm like a pretty small person.

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And this is already so uncomfortable for me.

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Yeah.

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Can you tell us what family you have out there?

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So basically, my entire family is out in Korea.

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My parents are actually the only ones who immigrated elsewhere.

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We do have extended family in the States.

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So great aunts and uncles.

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And then my parents' cousins.

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We have some family here in Washington.

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And then a good number of my mom's side

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of the extended family lives in Colorado.

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But yeah, everyone else lives in Korea.

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So all of my direct aunts and uncles, my parents' siblings,

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and then my direct cousins--

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what are those second cousins?

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I don't know.

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Yeah, I think so.

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Yeah, they all live in Korea.

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And then my grandparents as well.

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Oh.

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Wow, that's like the opposite of us.

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Yeah.

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Because we're most of our family migrated over to the States.

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And there's very few people still in Jamaica.

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So is there something about the Seattle area that your parents liked?

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Or did they have family there prior to migrating that made them want to go there?

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Or is it just-- I don't know.

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Just-- because I know for our parents that Miami was very--

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It's close to Jamaica.

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Yeah, close to Jamaica.

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Yeah, right.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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If I remember correctly, so my dad was working at Samsung in Korea at the time.

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And then I guess the company was like,

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"We'll pay for you to go to grad school if you want."

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Back then, they did those things.

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Right.

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Oh, yeah.

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That was nice.

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Bring that back.

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My dad had applied to different schools, I think particularly in--

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I think it was like Sweden and then maybe Maryland and then here.

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And then--

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I don't know the exact reasons, but he ended up going to school in Washington State.

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But we were actually out in Eastern Washington.

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It's like six hours away from here.

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And so I was born out there.

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It's like the boonies.

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It's literally like farmland.

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And then there's like this one college.

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It's Washington State.

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Like, it's like wheat fields and whatnot.

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And then we actually moved back to Korea for like a year when I was a little kid.

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Because once my dad had finished school, he had to go back to Samsung.

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He was there for like a year working there.

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He hated it.

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He was actually so stressed that he experienced partial facial paralysis.

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Wow.

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I've heard of that.

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Yeah.

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And so-- and I mean, I only recently found out about that maybe like a few years ago.

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And so he was like, I hate working here.

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Let's go back to America, basically.

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And I had no say.

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So I was like, OK, here we go.

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And then at that time, my dad, one of his cousins or like some of his cousins were

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living like in the Seattle area.

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So I think that's why we ended up moving specifically to Seattle.

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But like we kind of ended up in Sweden.

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That would have been pretty cool.

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Swedish Tammi.

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Yeah.

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I mean, but then I would have probably never met Brianna.

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But yeah, exactly.

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But they also might have moved to Maryland.

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So it's just funny how life works that way.

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Yeah, for sure.

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So when you were living, when you were there for a year after your dad had to go back to

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Samsung, you sound like you were pretty little, right?

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Like you don't remember that.

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I was like a year old.

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So I really have no recollection.

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I just have like foot.

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Gotcha.

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Yeah.

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Back to like current-- like so you live and you grew up in Seattle.

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Is there like a Korean community in Seattle or a big Asian community there?

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There definitely is.

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I never really struggled with like not having other Asian friends growing up.

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I definitely was, I mean, still to this day, a lot of the friends I grew up with that I'm

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still close to, like a lot of them are Asian-American.

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And there's a big-- I would say, but also like, of course, Asia is a big continent.

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Right.

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Like mostly here, it's a lot of like East Asian folks.

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So a lot of Korean people, Chinese, some Japanese, but there are certainly, you know,

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there are certainly Filipino people, Vietnamese people.

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But I would say there's a large East Asian community.

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So I grew up in the Catholic Church.

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And so we went to like a Korean Catholic Church for a while.

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But yeah, there's a good amount of Korean people here, but kind of dispersed here and there.

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Like where I live.

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So I live in a suburb.

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I grew up in a suburb called Bellevue.

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And then the larger Korean communities exist sort of like geographically, like farther up

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north and farther south.

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So there's kind of like where the bigger Korean communities are.

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Yeah, I still grew up with like Korean friends.

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I would say my closer friends are probably like Chinese and Japanese.

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But that wasn't like un-purpose or anything.

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Right, right.

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Happened to be that way.

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Yeah.

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And I'm just curious, do you actually speak Korean?

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Like can you speak in language?

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I do.

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Absolutely.

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Awesome.

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And can you talk about how you learned?

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Like, did you learn like just from your parents talking to you?

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Or like I read a book called Crying in Hmar.

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I don't know if you've heard of it.

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Yeah, yeah, I read it.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Okay, yeah.

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So like I learned a lot about Korean culture from that book.

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Yeah, definitely.

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And her mom sent her to like Korean school to like learn Korean.

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I don't know.

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So how did you learn Korean?

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I also went to Korean school, but only for a couple of years as a child.

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I think it was like first and second grade.

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It's like every Friday night from like seven to nine or something like that.

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So that's where I learned to really read and write.

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And so that's why my reading and writing level has been stuck at like elementary school level.

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That's hilarious.

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Like, I can read, but very slowly.

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Right.

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Yeah, yeah.

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I'm like, everyone be quiet.

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I need to read this.

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I need to focus.

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And then like my handwriting is like just terrible.

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And then like nowadays I've actually been sort of unstructured learning for myself of just

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like trying to read and write a little bit more here and there and just like being more

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conscious of it.

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But yeah, speaking wise.

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So when I was really young, starting at around like 10 years old, my dad actually went back

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to school.

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We like didn't have an income and my parents were like, how are we going to live?

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And so we actually started hosting Korean students at our house.

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So oftentimes kids in like middle school and high school would come for like a year and

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they do school here to like properly learn English.

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Yeah, yeah.

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But like obviously those kids needed a place to stay.

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So they would stay at our house.

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And I think a lot of my Korean developed when those kids were living it, living with us.

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And I was interacting with them regularly.

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At least that's what my parents say.

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My mom will always say like that's where your Korean really started to develop.

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Like before then my mom said that I would like stutter a lot.

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And I like didn't have a very expansive vocabulary.

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But yeah.

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And then as I've gotten older, just like, well also at home, we mostly speak Korean.

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We don't really speak any English.

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At least for me, it's just like watching Korean dramas.

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And I still teach voice lessons.

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And so a lot of my students are actually Korean.

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So I'll communicate with the parents like in Korean too.

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So that's cool.

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Yeah.

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Oh, that's awesome.

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So yeah.

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So how do you feel that has like affected your relationship with the culture has?

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I mean, obviously knowing the culture, knowing the language has probably made you feel even

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more close to your parents culture.

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How does that?

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How do you feel about that relationship between knowing the language and how close you are

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with the culture?

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Yeah, I think it's so valuable.

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I sometimes feel a lot of sort of like heartbreak when I see other, especially other Korean

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Americans who really don't know the language because I feel like you're missing out on

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so much.

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Right.

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With language, there are just like so many nuances.

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Yeah.

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But seeing like English translations for Korean, sometimes I'm like, I really don't think

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that this is what this means.

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But it's like, you know, it's like there's there are words or phrases that you just kind

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of can't translate.

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Right.

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So when I see people who don't really know Korean, I'm like, you're missing out on so

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much.

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There's like just like certain words that you can't convey in English, but also like one

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of the biggest things for me is like, you're kind of missing out on like the fun stuff too,

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like the humor and that kind of thing.

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And then I think for me specifically, like just being able to communicate with like my

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grandparents and my aunts and uncles and cousins, like I think the reason why I feel closer

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to them and I feel like even though there is like so much physical distance between

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us, I still feel a closeness to them is because I can speak the language.

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Like, you know, we can call each other and I don't have to like have my parents translate

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for us or anything like that.

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I know I can literally just converse with my grandpa, just the two of us.

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It's so valuable and communicating with your family, but also just like being able to immerse

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yourself in the culture more.

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Say you do want to like learn more than you have the ability to like read books or watch

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movies and documentaries and TV shows.

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Yeah, for sure.

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The language definitely like ties people together.

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Like there's this particular YouTuber I watch.

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He goes by like Zhaoma NYC.

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He speaks Chinese.

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So like a white guy that speaks Chinese.

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Jewish or something.

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Yeah.

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I think I know who you're talking about.

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He has like five million subscribers.

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He has a bunch of followers.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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He's and he just goes on the streets of New York and like for 10s, like he doesn't know

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how to speak Chinese and then we'll just bust out and like fluent Chinese.

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I'm like, it's amazing when you like the reactions when he starts talking to people and they like,

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oh, he knows our language.

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Like you can just tell that this instant ties.

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So like definitely like watching his videos, it seemed like being able to connect with

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somebody in their native tongue is so powerful.

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Yeah.

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And like what you said to you about a lot of the translations not being completely correct.

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Like I remember when Squid Game came out, I didn't see it cause I'm too scared.

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But yeah.

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But when Squid Game came out, I remember seeing all these things of people being like the

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translations are all wrong.

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Like you're not like the people who watch it with the English subtitles like aren't getting

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the proper like meeting.

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And so yeah, I feel like there was even like a big viral video.

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I think some lady made about how like, oh, I think I remember that.

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Yeah.

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Like specific examples of how it was wrong.

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So yeah, it's so true.

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Language is so important.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I think that's one of the hardest things about translations is that you essentially miss

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out on like cultural context.

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Right.

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Right.

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It's like there are certain things that just don't translate at all to other cultures.

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That's the hardest part.

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But it's like, I mean, with modern day technology, like, you know, we have the ability to like

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translate and whatnot.

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And that's, I think that's just kind of like a natural limitation that like you can't overcome

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unless you like actively really try and understand that culture or like are from that culture.

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Yeah.

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So we touched on language and all of that.

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But what are some other aspects of Korean culture that your parents really made sure

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to try and pass down to you when your brother growing up?

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I feel like my parents were never very strict about that kind of thing.

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Like they, so in Korean, like a lot of other Asian languages, there's like a formal version

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and then an informal version.

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So like the formal version you'll use with adults and then also like strangers and other

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people that you don't really know well.

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And so my parents were never strict on having my brother and I use like formal language.

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Some parents are about that kind of thing.

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But we always spoke very like informally and like colloquially around the house.

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They really never, yeah, I feel like sometimes they're just so casual and they didn't even

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care.

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But then sometimes then then we'll kind of get mad about like, why don't you like know

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this thing?

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Or like, why are you ignorant about this thing?

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And it's like, that's not my fault.

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You moved us here.

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I didn't have a choice in that.

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But yeah, generally they, they really never like imposed any like strict, oh, you need

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to know X, Y and Z.

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Or you have to like practice this thing.

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Even though like holidays, they'd just be like, it's this thing today.

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Call your grandpa.

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And I'd be like, okay, sure.

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So yeah, in our house it was like very, very casual.

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But like for me personally now as an adult, I feel like I'm trying to be more intentional

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about those kinds of things.

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I'm like, yeah, learning more about like significant holidays.

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So was, so your parents were pretty casual about cultural things, but obviously, you

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know, we've heard and seen so many videos of people kind of talking about Asian parents

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and finding the humor in how strict they were about school and making sure you got straight

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A's.

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And I feel like there's kind of this, this stereotype that all Asians are really smart

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because they study really hard because their parents are hard on them about it.

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So were your parents kind of strict about your grades and, and doing well in school?

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To a certain extent.

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Yeah.

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So I would say my parents are also like the, like more on the educated side of their generation.

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So my parents both have master's degrees.

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My dad has multiple.

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Yeah, it sounds like it.

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And so education has definitely been something that they've always valued.

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But I think also like my brother and I did well in school and I think we were both like

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ambitious in our own ways that we kind of like to care of that ourselves.

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And so my mom will often say like, I never really had to like worry about you and your

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brother when you were younger and kind of like school and grades.

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But like my mom will also be like, my one dream is for one of my children to go to Harvard.

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And I'm like, I don't think that dream is going to come true.

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You might have to wait for grandchildren or you might just, you might just have to let

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it go.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I mean, certainly if we ever got like bad grades or like did kind of poorly in school

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for like a brief moment, then they'd be like, you know, what's going on?

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Right.

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Like do you need tutoring or like, I'm going to take your phone away.

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You know, right?

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Yeah.

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But yeah, they're like in some ways they were very strict and other ways they weren't

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like one way I would describe my dad is more like, you kind of didn't really care about

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what we did.

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He preferred that we would do things that we enjoyed.

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But if you are going to do this thing, like do it well, right?

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It's like you can't do poorly at this thing regardless of what it is.

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So it's that kind of like kind of strict, but also not.

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Yeah.

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And as I mentioned before, Tabby and I both studied vocal performance and we're basically

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training to be opera singers in at this music conservatory in Baltimore.

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And generally a lot of times like if you're not studying something that's putting you

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on a path towards becoming like a doctor, a lawyer or like an engineer of some sort,

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a lot of times not even just Asian parents, immigrant parents in general, are not super

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supportive of it.

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I mean, like my parent, my mom in particular was not always super supportive of it.

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I mean, she was cool with it when I was doing it in high school and middle school and stuff.

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But then when I started to study in college, she was like, are you sure?

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So like were your parents supportive of you pursuing music?

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They were actually.

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So my mom is also a musician.

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So she did her undergrad and masters in music.

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And then like I said about my dad earlier, he's like, I don't really care what you guys

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do.

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Like he definitely, he was really actually really hard on my brother about going to med

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school.

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That was one thing that he really pushed on my brother.

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And then at first my brother was like, okay, maybe.

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And then once he kind of started like going down that route, he was like, okay, I actually

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really don't want to do this.

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And even to this day, sometimes my dad is like, if only he had gone to med school and

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become a doctor, I'll be like dad.

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My brother is in like his mid 30s now.

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I'm like dad.

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He stopped.

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But yeah, they were definitely very supportive.

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But I recently learned like a year ago that my mom was like, I wanted you to become a

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good singer and then to just meet a rich man.

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I was like, I was like, what?

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You weren't rooting for my success.

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You're rooting for a certain amount of success that would lead me to like a rich man.

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But my dad was like, oh, I wanted you to become right.

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As I said earlier, my dad's like, I don't care what you do, but do it well.

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My dad was like, I want, I wanted you to become like a top opera singer.

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I wanted you to become like Denise Graves level.

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Right.

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Yeah.

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Internationally performing singer.

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I was like, oh, that's hard.

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Yeah.

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I mean, we all, I'm sure you wanted that for yourself too.

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Like, yeah, that's hard.

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That is hard.

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Yes.

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I didn't, I didn't know about Denise, like until Brianna started studying the people

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I didn't like, I was like, oh, okay.

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Like I was thinking, I don't know, like, okay, opera singer, cool.

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But she was like, no, she's like legit.

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And I was like, oh, wow.

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She has like a Wikipedia page and like has been on Sesame Street and everything.

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Yeah.

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I was like, wow.

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I was like, you know, it's real when someone has a Wikipedia page.

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And not even, and I was like, I was saying earlier to Alyssa, like, I was like, not even

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a short Wikipedia page.

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It's like a pretty, yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's pretty, yeah.

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Yeah.

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It's pretty, it has a lot of stuff in there.

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Yeah.

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So yeah, she's a big, she's a big deal.

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Okay.

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But going back to our conversation.

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So obviously a big thing now is Korean culture has just blown up.

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Like it is having a moment.

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I think it's called Halvue.

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Actually, there's like a term for it of like the Korean wave right now.

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So people are obsessed with Korean music, TV shows, skincare even.

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As a Korean American, what are your thoughts on that?

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Like are you proud of it?

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Is there some feeling of like, like this is like some weird fad?

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Like, how do you feel about this like new obsession that's kind of taken over the world

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really?

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Yeah.

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I feel to see truly the whole world like so immersed in this.

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I've seen like people out in Europe who are like fully obsessed with like Korean culture,

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like people like Turkey and Germany.

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And I'm like, whoa, like that's, that's just so wild.

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It's really interesting for me for sure.

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In some ways it's definitely really cool.

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Even my friends who aren't Korean are like, oh, have you seen this Korean drama?

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And I'm like, I haven't.

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I'm glad you haven't and who did it?

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That's cool.

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Maybe I'll go watch it now too.

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Yeah.

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But at the same time, I feel like again, it you lose a lot of cultural context.

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For example, in Squid Game, I know Brianna, you said you didn't watch it, but maybe you

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know of like, there's like this one part in the show where it's like a sugar candy.

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And then you have to like, yeah, you have to like poke out the image.

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So that candy kind of blew up after the show.

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But like the cultural context behind that candy is that like, it was really popular.

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I know for sure when, when we were children, you know, in the like late nineties and like

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early 2000s, you could like go buy it like on the street.

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Obviously I didn't live in Korea at that age.

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So my mom would like sometimes to make it for us at home.

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We had like, there's like a little kid.

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There's like a really tiny little like pot and you like pour the sugar into it.

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And I was like, it was so fun.

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And obviously it's like a clump of sugar.

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It's delicious.

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Like a child.

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But nowadays it's lost a lot of its popularity and the only people who really sell it are

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like very elderly women who are poor and that's kind of their job.

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They're like on the streets selling these candies for like a dollar a piece.

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Like it's, it's really weird to me.

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There's like this dissonance of like random people on like TikTok who are like, oh, like

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I'm making the candy from Squid Game.

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But I'm like, you don't understand that nowadays it's just old, poor women who are selling

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these to just survive for however possible, however long as possible.

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So I think that's the hardest thing for me.

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I just care so much about everything in general.

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And so I really wish that there was sort of more of that.

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Whereas like it's just like, oh, following fads and trends, like, oh, this is fun.

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Like this is enjoyable.

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But it's like, that is just like the tip of the iceberg of Korean culture.

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Right.

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There's so much more that people don't know.

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Right.

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Because it's not the popular stuff.

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Like another example is, I don't know if y'all have heard of this person.

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Ollie London, I think is their name.

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Yeah, I've heard of him.

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Yeah.

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This British person who was like, I am trans cultural.

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I identify as Korean, but they're white.

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Straight up British, white.

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And they're like, I'm trans cultural.

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And they got like, I don't even know how many, but like a ton of plastic surgery to look

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like a specific BTS member.

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Oh, wow.

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Yeah.

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But I mean, to be real, they look nothing like him.

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But they've gotten like so much plastic surgery because of like this weird obsession of like,

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oh, I'm Korean.

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But like that got me angry because I was like, first of all, you can't do that.

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No one can do that.

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That's not a thing.

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Right.

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First of all, I was like, when I look back at like my family history, my grandpa served

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in the Korean War when he was like, when he was like 17.

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He's told me stories of how he literally just had to sleep in the snow.

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I don't have a blanket or anything of bed.

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He's a teenager losing his friends in a war or like my grandma, she was born in Japan

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after Japanese colonization of Korea.

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She didn't actually live in Korea until she was about like six or seven.

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And so, right, even just from my own family, I'm like, there's so much pain and heartbreak

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here.

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You can't just be like, oh, I'm a part of this culture now.

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Right.

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Did your grandparents got the ready of this stuff?

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Like no.

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Maybe in a different place, but like, you know, you can't just like suddenly claim a culture

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is yours.

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And so like obviously that's a more extreme example.

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Right.

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Like not everyone who's obsessed with like K-pop is like doing the same thing, but that's

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where my concern comes in.

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I'm like, okay, great.

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You can appreciate this culture from afar, but then I feel like there's a fine line between

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like admiration and then like unhealthy obsession.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Like you said, Oli London is a very extreme example of that, but there are a lot of people

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who are kind of teetering in between.

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Yeah.

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And it's like, yeah, apparently a lot of, there's been a lot of tourism to Korea, which

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is good, but then a lot of people are coming there thinking they'll find a nice Korean

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man like in the K-dramas who like will fall in love with them and be really sweet.

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And like, I teach, I don't know if I mentioned this to you, Tammi, but I teach English on

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as a second language online.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Okay.

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I did tell you.

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Okay.

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Korea is a really popular place to teach English for Americans especially.

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And I feel like a lot of people just go there because like they have this obsession and they

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just like want to live there and they think they'll live out like some K-drama dreams.

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Yeah.

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It's interesting.

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It's interesting for sure.

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Yeah.

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But is there anything about Korean culture that you feel like is not represented in those

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K-dramas and K-pop music and all of that that you wish people did know about?

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I mean, for one thing, as I mentioned earlier, so Japan colonized Korea in like the early

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20th century, I think that that was actually only like a hundred years ago.

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As I said, like my grandma was born in Japan and there are still a lot of Korean people

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who live in Japan from that time period, like from colonization.

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And so I think in general, just like more historical context, even with our parents'

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generation, like my parents will often tell me about how Korea was just such a poor nation,

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even when they were kids or like in their 20s and 30s.

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Just the other day, my mom was cutting a watermelon and she was like, "Oh yeah, back in the day

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we used to eat the rind."

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And she had never told me that before.

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I know some cultures do use the rind and cooking.

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I know like in South Asian culture, they use the whole watermelon, but she had never told

29:10 → 29:11
me that before.

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And she was like, "Yeah, we were just like, the whole country was just so poor.

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We ate everything that we could."

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Or like my dad would be like, "Yeah, I would like go eat frogs.

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I would like go catch frogs and eat the frogs."

29:23 → 29:27
And so that kind of thing, because now I think people see Korea as like, "Oh my god, it's

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so wonderful there.

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They're like so many cool things.

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They have great music and great TV shows and great skincare."

29:35 → 29:38
But it's like, we've come so far, right?

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It wasn't always like a wealthy nation.

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It wasn't always like unicorns and rainbows.

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We came from a very poor place.

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We came from nothing.

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I know more people knew that.

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Yeah.

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So I'm curious about, because I know that like the kind of piggybacking off, we're talking

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about the K-pop base and everything.

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Are you a BTS fan?

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I'm just curious.

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I'm actually not.

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I don't really listen to much K-pop.

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I prefer like ballads and like slow songs.

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And I actually didn't really listen to a lot of Korean music as a child.

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I feel like I grew up more listening to like American like classic rock.

30:19 → 30:21
Simon and Garfunkel.

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Awesome.

30:22 → 30:23
Anya.

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I freaking love Anya.

30:25 → 30:27
People who shit on Anya, stop.

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She's great.

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She does get some flak.

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But that was just because we listened to this one local radio station that played that kind

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of music in the car all the time.

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That was just our default.

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So I mostly grew up listening to that.

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And so to like nowadays, I just come across random recommendations on, I use Apple Music

30:49 → 30:50
for music streaming.

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So I just come up with random recommendations and I'm like, oh, this is cool.

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But it's from like the 1980s.

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I'm like, why not?

30:55 → 30:56
Like this is cool.

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I like it.

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I'm not like a hardcore APOP BTS fan.

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But I'm not either.

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I just was curious because I'm trying to understand the obsession, but their skin is flawless.

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I will say.

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But they have beautiful skin.

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They really do have flawless.

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Like I'm very jealous.

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I am.

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Yeah.

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I'm so jealous.

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But it seems like maybe you are more into the K dramas.

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Do you watch K dramas?

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I do.

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Yeah.

31:24 → 31:25
Pretty regularly.

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It's easy to get sucked into them.

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Because I feel like, well, so I didn't really like them as much when I was a kid because

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they were like super cheesy and like over the top.

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Have you guys ever seen those like Bollywood clips where it's like, it makes no sense.

31:38 → 31:42
It's like someone punches someone and then they fly across like a lake and then they

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like end up in a suitcase.

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You know, it's like stuff like that.

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It's just like so dramatic and cheesy.

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I was like, this is terrible.

31:50 → 31:54
I'm going to like go watch MTV or something.

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And then like more recently, I've just been like watching them here and there and I've

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just found that like in general, I feel like production quality is like much better.

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The themes are like less cheesy and dramatic, kind of more rooted in like reality.

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So I've definitely been enjoying them a lot more lately.

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Delving a bit more into the culture.

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Have a bit of a story.

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So as we mentioned, Tammi and I went to a music conservatory.

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Oh, you did mention that.

32:21 → 32:22
I know.

32:22 → 32:23
I didn't cut some parts out.

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I just want to...

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I don't think I knew that either.

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All right.

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I love it.

32:27 → 32:28
All right.

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Well, anyway, Tammi and I were in school and when you when you study your vocal performance

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at a university in the U.S. at least at the end of your degree program, you have a recital.

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And so obviously we all had recitals.

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Tammi had her recital and let me tell you, it was so good.

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And after the recitals at our school, people would often have receptions where they would

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serve food for their audience.

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And Tammi's reception was the best reception ever because she, yeah, she and her family

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served Korean food.

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I had never tried Korean food before and it was so good.

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Like I still remember it.

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And I remember you served, you had leftovers the next day and you like texted some of your

33:17 → 33:19
friends and were like, Hey, you guys want some leftovers?

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And we like ran over to your apartment to eat those leftovers because it was so good.

33:25 → 33:30
So I'm just telling that story to say that my eyes were open to how great Korean food

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was because of Tammi.

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And so Tammi, can you tell us some of your favorite Korean foods and like maybe kind

33:36 → 33:38
of describe them as well?

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Oh my God, I love that.

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I love that you remember that.

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And that like holds like a special place in your heart.

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It does.

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Originally, my mom really wanted to make that food herself, but it just ended up being like

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way too much work.

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Yeah.

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The Korean grocery store out in Baltimore was like half an hour away and like it just

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would have taken like too much time.

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And so we ended up just like catering from one of the local restaurants.

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But I'm so glad you loved it.

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For me, I definitely like, you know, some of the popular dishes like one called tteokbokki.

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It's like spicy rice cakes.

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I think I had that at my reception.

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They're like usually sort of short and circular rice cakes and it's like spicy and sort of

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spicy sauce.

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And people add maybe other things like hard boiled eggs or like onions.

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And then kimbap is also, it's kind of like Korean sushi.

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It's just like sushi rolls.

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And you can put like a variety of things in that too.

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It's like usually like veggies and then maybe like some kind of beef.

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But I also just like, I think this is a kind of common in a lot of Asian cultures, but

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it's like hearty stews and soups.

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Actually, I feel like that's also common in more like Caribbean culture as well.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So I really love like all kinds of like hearty soups.

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I just finished off one that my mom made.

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It's like a spicy beef soup.

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Yeah.

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I mean, it's just like so healthy.

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It's like a lot of vegetables and like protein.

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And then usually like you'll have it with rice.

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Yeah.

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We have a lot of like beef based soups.

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I also like one called Samgetang, which is like a chicken soup.

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So yeah, I'm all about like the comfort food, the things that make you feel warm inside.

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Yeah.

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So I think we're getting to our like sort of ending questions.

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So we've been trying these out.

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We'll see if we continue with them.

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But so I always ask about one thing you dislike about your family's culture and one thing

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you really love about your family's culture.

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So first can you tell us what's one thing that you maybe dislike a little bit about Korean

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culture?

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And if you don't feel comfortable answering that, that's okay too.

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Yeah.

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Oh no, I definitely have.

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I don't like that.

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I have a list.

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It is not perfect for sure.

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I think one thing that really grinds my gears about Korean culture is that people tend to

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be very prideful.

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So really put up a front to like create a reputation for themselves or right.

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It's like very elitist in some ways.

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It's like, you know, I got into like we have the Korean Ivy League is kind of like three

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really big schools.

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So it's like my children got into these schools or like my children work at like really big

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fancy companies like LG or Samsung or whatever.

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That's definitely one thing that I really dislike.

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But I feel like that is kind of present in a lot of like Asian cultures because I feel

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like it kind of just like closes people off from each other.

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Like my mom also has some friends who are like annoyingly competitive with each other.

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I'm just like, what is the point?

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Are you really friends?

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I don't know.

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Yeah.

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And then in terms of something that I really like, when I was reading through the questions

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that you sent me, there was one thing that I was thinking of was I actually really like

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the writing system, how the sort of like alphabet works.

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Korean was very heavily influenced by Chinese, but Chinese is way more complex.

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Korean is actually really quite simple.

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And so I think I'm just like always just kind of fascinated by that and like how it's structured

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kind of nerdy for me to say.

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Yeah.

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No, but it's true.

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Like, yeah, I've heard someone say that the Korean alphabet is actually quite easy to

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learn and you can learn it in like a day.

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And yeah, and like I said, I've seen a lot of videos of people teaching English over there

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in Korea and that's like their main tip to anyone else who wants to go over there and

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teach is that like just learn the alphabet.

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Like if you can't learn the language, like just at least try and learn the alphabet because

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you can at least like read things a little bit.

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So, yeah.

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Okay.

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And then another thing that we have been doing with everyone a little bit is kind of trying

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to dispel some stereotypes about your culture.

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So I've come up with...

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Stereotype mythbusters.

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You still don't like that name.

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Yeah, we still don't love that name, but we'll think about it.

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We're not sure if we're sticking with that.

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Culture busters?

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No.

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Stereotype mythbusters.

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Stereotype mythbusters.

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I just, I don't know.

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I think we could come up with something a little more creative than that.

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Yeah.

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I'm trying to find a segment that'll be interesting.

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Right.

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Yeah, we're working progress here.

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So I've come up with three main stereotypes that I kind of want to ask you about.

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So the first one, I think is kind of like a pan-Asian stereotype, but I feel like South

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Korea is pretty hardcore with it.

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And that is just like how hard people study and how hard people work there.

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Do you feel like even amongst other Asian countries, maybe Korea is pretty hardcore

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with their study and work culture?

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I would say so.

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I can't say that I know too much about how other Asian cultures operate, because I know,

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I'm pretty sure Japan has one of the highest work exhaustion-related deaths.

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People literally working 20 hours a day, and then they collapse on the subway on the way

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home.

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But for sure, school and studying is very hardcore in Korea.

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It's not really so much, because most people go to public schools.

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Private school isn't a huge thing in Korea.

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So most people just go through the public school system.

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And school itself isn't super hardcore, as in they're not constantly giving out a ton

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of homework and whatnot.

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It's more the education system at large.

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So students go to tutoring and extracurriculars after school until often late at night.

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They'll be done at 10 p.m.

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And then there's actually a great recent Korean drama about this, about the super, super big-time

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popular math tutor in Korea.

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He is part of this extra...

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We call them hagwons, which is kind of like after school school.

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And so he specializes in math.

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But I think it shows a lot of the reality of these moms wake up at 6 in the morning to

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rush to the line to make sure that their kids are getting signed up.

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And then because I've never lived there and experienced this myself, this was also new

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information to me of like, even if you get in the class, oftentimes there's like 50 kids

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in this class.

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And it's lecture-based.

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So, you know, kids are just like watching.

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And so sometimes you also have to make an extra effort so that your kid is sitting in the

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front of the class so that they can see the whiteboard well.

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And so that kind of thing, it's very intense.

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You'll also see in that show of parents sort of doing illegal things and trying to get

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their kids ahead.

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The example in the show is that one mom works with a school administrator to get the exact

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test.

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And so she tells her son, "Practice these problems for your test tomorrow."

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But it turns out it's the exact test.

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And so, right, like he already knows all the answers.

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But he didn't know that his mom had done that.

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And so he's like, when he finishes the test, he's like in shock.

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He's like, "Oh, what the heck?

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My mom has like cheated the system."

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So yeah, education is super hardcore.

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But that's not to say that everyone can do that right because it's costly.

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Right?

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Like these things are expensive.

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So again, that's where you kind of see where you're sort of missing his cultural context.

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It's like not everyone is doing that because not everyone can.

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And then it's also kind of different depending on where you are geographically in Korea.

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So like that is very intense in like your bigger cities, obviously.

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Like if you live in a smaller city or kind of out in the boonies, then like you just

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don't even have access to those kinds of resources.

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Yeah, I've definitely seen a lot of things about how much stress is on students sometimes

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and that there's this really big exam at the end of the year that literally the coal like

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country shuts down for basically.

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Yeah.

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And then they, yeah, and like everyone's trying to like cheer on the students for this exam.

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And I think I've actually heard that they recently made it a little bit easier just because

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they were trying to encourage people to have more kids and they felt like it was actually

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a deterrent.

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I think I heard about that recently.

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I haven't heard that, but that actually kind of makes sense.

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Yeah.

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The Korean government is trying to help our generation with like trying to increase population.

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But yeah, it's rough out here.

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Yeah, yeah.

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And then another stereotype I saw just like a small one and really it's kind of like something

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that again, kind of across East Asians is that Koreans and East Asians in general really

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love taking selfies.

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Is that something that you've noticed, I guess?

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Definitely, yeah.

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Like, but not everyone.

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It's like the people who are kind of like more obsessed with like social media, people

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who like want to become influencers, that kind of thing.

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Definitely amongst that kind of group, I would say.

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But yeah, I don't think we're all born with selfie sticks out of the womb.

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No.

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I've never, never been a selfie person myself.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And the last stereotype and probably maybe the last question or so is about the beauty

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standards in Korea.

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Just that they're very high and that a lot of young girls especially will actually ask

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their parents for plastic surgery when they're like still in school to kind of meet those

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beauty standards.

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Yeah.

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Is that something that you've heard about?

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Yeah.

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That's definitely, I think, a very true stereotype, unfortunately.

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People are very obsessed with like physical appearance.

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So as you said, a lot of even young students will get plastic surgery.

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It's not always like a big thing because Asians are more known for monolids.

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Like a lot of people will get like double eyelid surgery.

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It's probably like the most common thing and then I feel like a lot of people get worked

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out under noses and then some people try and like enlarge their eyes.

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You can like cut small slits apparently on the like corners of your eyes.

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But yeah, it's quite common.

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I would say I definitely have cousins who have gotten some plastic surgery done here

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and there.

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Yeah, it's very common.

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I've had family members and like family friends tell me I should get plastic surgery.

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Oh my gosh.

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And the common thing is like oftentimes people will get work done is like a gift.

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So it's like, oh, you graduated from high school.

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All right, let's get you some plastic surgery.

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Yeah, it's so weird.

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I'm like, oh.

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Thank you.

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Yeah, right.

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I don't know if that's the...

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You're telling me I'm ugly but I won't be soon.

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Right.

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Yeah, that's pretty crazy to me.

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But yeah, I think it's really unfortunate.

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It's like, yeah, being a plastic surgeon is definitely like a high profile job in Korea.

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Like get a lot of respect because plastic surgery is just so common.

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And it's just like really sad to see, especially like young people so obsessed with how they

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look.

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But the interesting thing though is that it's not super like gender specific.

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It's not really only women who get it done.

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A lot of men get work done.

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Nowadays, actually a lot of men get like their eyebrows tattooed.

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I know also a lot of men, this isn't plastic surgery but more like appearance based.

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Like a lot of men get like body hair wax.

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So it is interesting though that it's not only just like an obsession amongst women.

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And everyone.

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Also like varying age groups.

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I've seen older men with their eyebrows tattooed.

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And that was certainly surprising to me because I've never seen that before.

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Age is just a number.

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And I'm like these men have to live up to BTS members.

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Yeah.

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And they're gorgeous skin.

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So yeah.

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All right.

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I think that is it for today.

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I think those are pretty much all of our questions.

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Alyssa, do you have any final questions for Tammi?

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I don't think so.

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I think we covered a lot of material.

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I feel like I learned a lot.

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Yeah, we did.

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And Tammi, thank you so much for just taking the time to speak with us and share your side

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of the story.

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It's always so interesting to hear just what other people's upbringing is like.

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Yeah.

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So we really appreciate that.

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Thank you for having me.

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I'm really glad that I got that text from Diana.

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I was like, this sounds so cool.

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Thank you to Tammi for taking the time to meet with us and share her story as a Korean

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American.

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I think one of my favorite parts of the interview was when we got onto the topic of music and

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Enya came up.

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I did not see that coming, but it was fabulous.

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And thank you listeners for tuning into another episode.

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We hope you join us for a new show coming out soon.

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If you like what you hear, we'd really appreciate it if you left us a review on your podcast

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Player of Choice.

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As a new podcast, this really helps us out and helps us extend our reach so that others

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can hear the wonderful interviews from our guests.

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Thank you for listening in and catch you next time.

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